calm in the storm

feels like another night of insomnia, but maybe not. i can hear a storm outside and i love it. to me storms can be relaxing and calming. i like the flashes of lightening that brighten the sky, the rumble of thunder, and the lullaby of falling rain. i have been told by a few people that it's weird and crazy that i like storms. but that's o.k. i am a bit weird and crazy. i know that i said for the most part that i feel like i am a weak person in a lot of ways, but there is a part of me that is very strong. i have made it through a lot of tough times and situations yet i am still here. i survived i am still standing. one thing that i am good at is to endure and cope. i have spent so many years trying to be strong and not let things get me down for too long. spent years enduring and coping with all the pain and anger i felt. i spent so many years not letting people close enough to really hurt me that i became cold and hard in many ways. i spent so much time trying to be strong and not to feel that i forgot how to feel. i can't say that i like being able to feel because it's easier when i am numb. at times there is too much pain, anger, hurt, and shame to bear. i do get bogged down in it at times, but i know it will ease and get better at some point in time. and then a storm comes and in what to some people is just a bother with a bunch of loud noise and chaos, is where i find peace. because in the midst of nature showing its power with bright flashes of lightening, loud crashes of deep rumbling thunder, and the soothing lullabies of pouring rain; there is where i find moments of complete calm and stillness. i know that the storm will pass and that the sun will come out. it is in moment that the storm ends you know that there is calm and there is comfort. so yeah, for me, there will always be peace in the storm not just after the storm