just a little off kilter

i will admit it i am an odd ball that is just a little off kilter. that is one thing that i have always known about me. i like things that are strange and odd. i guess they just fascinate me for some reason or another. i understand the darkness that can be in some peoples' soul. i can see it and i can feel it but i also know it. is it because there is a darkness in me? or is it because i have lived through darkness? in some ways i think it is a combination of the two. we all have a dark side and we are all capable of evil. does it mean we are dark and evil people? my answer is no. to know what is truly good and bright we must all at some point learn what evil is. i have been touched by both good and evil and that has become part of me. i guess one of the biggest lessons i have learned is this and it is to me a fact that is implicitly simple. i was raised in a christian home, went to church every week and have always known about god. i spent years being angry with god refusing to believe that i could be saved or even forgiven. i can honestly say that all my life in knowing god i never truly believed until about 4 years ago. maybe a little longer. i had reached a point in life to where i had hit below the ground somewhere, lost in chaos, with no hope  for anything good. but then i prayed for a change and i got it. i really got it. i wound up in new mexico and i started over from scratch. i found a church that i loved and it was there that i found god for the first time. then came my lesson. i learned that even though i made bad choices, did wrong things, said thought wrong things didn't mean i was a bad person. it didn't mean that i was unworthy of love and forgiveness. for the first time i understood who god really was. no i am not perfect i still make mistakes, bad choices. i still say and do things that are wrong and not right. it will take time for me to learn what to do how to be, but that is going to be alright because my god loves me and forgives me even though i am just a little off kilter.