the start of a journey to lessons learned

you are going to have to bear with me i have never done this before. i'm not very computer savvy but it's something i am learning. lol .well let me start some may know me and others no you don't, but the thing is, i am still learning who i am. people say that sometimes in life you can loose who you are because you become so busy in acting in ways others think you should or being,doing what everyone else thinks you should. and that is true. but what do you say when someone says they never once in their life knew who they were? well in many ways that is what i believe about me, i don't think i ever knew who i was. even as a child. to know who you are you start from your earliest memories. many of mine aren't that great but there are many more that are. i know i know i'm contradicting myself but be patient because this is not an easy process. every child is born with an innocence and a purity that is indescribable. over the years as that child grows the innocence fades as they learn about life. in some ways the innocence can last until adulthood but sadly it is always lost. in my case my innocence was stolen from me when i was just a toddler. i was just a little over a year old the first time i was molested. by the time i was 12 i had been molested by 5 different people. i never gave a clue never said anything until i was about 13. you ask why did i not tell well the truth is i really didn't know what was happening, i knew it was wrong,but not why. i felt like i was bad i was dirty, that i had done something wrong. of course i was bad because good little girls didn't get treated like that or....touched like that. of course i was a bad dirty little girl and everyone knew it. why else would the kids at school make fun of me tease me call me names be mean to me make me cry...i was bad. but on the other hand my other memories are of the fun times i had as a kid. learning how to swim boy that was fun...my dad is a great man and was a great dad to me when i was growing up and still is. the one thing about my dad is that he thinks the best way to learn something is by doing it...literally. so when i was about 3 or 4 years old the family went to a lake(don't remember where) and we went out onto one of the docks. he put little floaties on my arms and threw me off the end of the dock and told me to swim. i was scared to death but of course as soon as he threw me in he jumped in to give me someone to hold on to and to hold onto me. i learned how to swim that day and i loved it i even learned how to swim underwater. and to this day i still love to swim and be in the water. well this is all for now i will try to get back in here later today. yeah in a way this is a biography but i also want it to be a way for people to know me and for me to know myself.yeah there are lessons i have learned and maybe it can help someone else.no i'm not an expert i don't claim to be all i can do is to tell you what i have been through and what it has taught me and what it has made me. maybe it will help me heal some old wounds but whatever it is or becomes this will still be a journey for me and for whoever decides to read this as it comes along